Farm Work and Fencing

UGH! That’s probably the simplest thing to put.

As many of you already know, I am still working on the farm attempting to put the past where it belongs. It isn’t easy to do that under highly stressful situations but I am really trying to just keep my mouth shut and move on.

We ended up hiring a fencing contractor to do the 90 acres of perimeter fencing. In a way, I’m thankful that we have because I am so overloaded with work everywhere right now that I am having issues thinking straight at times (I’ll discuss the repercussions of that in just a second). We found a contractor we could work with but that doesn’t mean that everything is going smoothly. We have had a few issues over some minor things but I am really learning what a hard ass bitch I can be  when people don’t do a job according to specs. I always thought I was a nice person, I am almost reconsidering that train of thought right now.

Add on top of all this the arguments with the business partner on the farm and I am about ready to snap. I am ashamed to admit that my patience has worn so thin with everything going on right now. We still haven’t managed to get the 60 acres of first cutting hay done due to rain, rain and more rain. Now the fencing is going in, minds are being changed three or four times on gate placements, my photography work load just doubled and I have an editor waiting for articles. This isn’t the only issues going on through. We have financial issues too and fairly big one’s that total about $50,000 dollars. I’m just overloaded. I have too much going on and not nearly enough time to think about so many things.

I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to work with a contractor that understands my overload and how much I am trying to do. He is being very patient and has listened to me bitch and complain about the indecisions. I’m not saying that we haven’t had words. Like when he told me that he could just pack up and leave to which I replied, “Feel free because I’m not dealing with another egotistical male right now. Either you follow the specs or leave. The choice is yours.” I hate being like that but when the government gives you specs on fencing and they aren’t going to pay if you don’t meet code, then sorry dude, don’t expect me to feel any sympathy when you screw up.

This is the area where the gate will be going up to the corner. This was after the old fencing was removed and the area was brush hogged.

This is the area where the gate will be going up to the corner. This was after the old fencing was removed and the area was brush hogged.

Midway point of fencing. Gate post set and line posts in. Wire comes next.

Midway point of fencing. Gate post set and line posts in. Wire comes next.

The first paddock, the top of which is shown in the images above, will have five strands of wire and maybe a gate or two in today. I plan on turning cattle out into the upper section of this paddock sometime this evening or first thing in the morning, depending on what time the wires are in place and how quickly I can relocated some temporary wire and the watering system.

I’ve had a couple of highlights and little breaks for an hour or so, here or there. I did a photoshoot last Friday of a little cutie pie I’ve been trying to find the time to take some photos of for a couple of months now.

Miss C is about a year old and loves everything nature and animal

Miss C is about a year old and loves everything nature and animal

This little one’s mother is getting married in a little over a week. I am so excited that I will get to take photos of the wedding of two of my most favorite people in the world. I love these two like they were my own flesh and blood. They mean more to me than I will ever be able to express.

I also took five or ten minutes to go get a couple shots of some flowers I have never seen and a dragonfly.

Dianthus deltoides  Caryophyllaceae Family  An excellent groundcover, front-of-the-border edging, or rock garden specimen, these mat-forming plants produce countless dainty blooms with fringed petals in shades of red, pink or white in spring and early summer. Prefers well-drained alkaline soil and full sun.

Dianthus deltoides
Caryophyllaceae Family
AKA Maiden Pink
An excellent groundcover, front-of-the-border edging, or rock garden specimen, these mat-forming plants produce countless dainty blooms with fringed petals in shades of red, pink or white in spring and early summer. Prefers well-drained alkaline soil and full sun.

 

Common Whitetail Dragonfly

Common Whitetail Dragonfly

Oh yeah and I forgot to mention….ALL CALVES FOR 2013 ARE NOW BORN! No more late night pasture strolls checking on mothers, thank goodness.

The lone bull calf born

The lone bull calf born

The first heifer of 2013

The first heifer of 2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Auburn, aka Aubrie, the last heifer calf of 2013

Auburn, aka Aubrie, the last heifer calf of 2013

My favorite first calf heifer with her spunky, adorable and obviously my favorite calf of 2013

My favorite first calf heifer with her spunky, adorable and obviously my favorite calf of 2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yup, as you can tell, I have been slightly busy. I keep telling myself that it will get easier. The fence is started. The calves are born. A few items have been checked off the list but there is still so much left to do. I can’t wait to take a break and snow flying in my opinion can’t happen fast enough! Colder weather means less work load for me. I look forward to those days now more than ever.

Did I also fail to mention that I don’t get paid for 90% of the work I do? Anything farm related gets me zero income due to the simple fact that everything is being built from the ground up….literally. Barn, fencing, cattle. All of it is all money invested so far. I can’t wait for the day when I can just go to the store, buy a pair of boots without having to save change. Since today is assessment day this week after having a little episode of overload yesterday, maybe it’s time to reconsider the work load. Maybe if I plan a little better and can somehow manage to come up with the funds to save the farm, I wouldn’t be so damn overwhelmed all the time. If anyone wants to make some interest and let us borrow some money for a year, let me know.

All kidding and complaining aside, life isn’t so bad. I have a beautiful area to relax. I have fairly good health and things are slowly progressing. I really shouldn’t complain because I have so much that others would love to have but it doesn’t come easy. It’s an uphill battle right now for me. I’m still taking it one step or more appropriate, stumble, at a time. It’s all I can do for the time being. I am almost to the top of the hill. Only a little more to go. I just need to keep fighting and keep pushing. No pain, no gain. No risk, no reward. So if I grumble and complain, remember that I am only doing so out of frustration. I live a lonely life out here in the stick, 20 miles from the nearest city, seeing more cattle faces than human interaction. Cattle don’t verbally talk back and normally don’t make me feel bad about my day but they also don’t give me the love and support I need to keep pushing through to attain my goals. I hope that you all realize that those likes or those comments are boosters for me. They pick me up, make me thankful that I have shared even a small part of my life. Sometimes we all just need that little pat on the back that says, hey thanks for all the hard work you do or a way of saying job well done.

For now, it’s back to editing images and figuring out what this rogue grass is on the farm, pointing fingers, moving temporary fence and writing up an article. I’m making myself tired just listing out the few things I need to do. I guess I better start moving before I get too tired and just go take a nap. Thank you all again for your support through all the transitions, heartbreak, heartache and tough times right now. It means more to this hermit than you can imagine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Struggles and Survival

“I might not be ready to pour out my feelings to the world, but I’d had enough of trying to ignore them.” ― R.J. AndersonUltraviolet

Haven’t we all had that struggle that we kept locked inside our minds and our hearts? It may be over love or life. It could be over a job offer or a job dismissal. We worry about our kids. It seems that everything is always in a constant state of flux. Every situation causes emotions of anger, fear, sadness, happiness, shame, guilt, jealousy, envy, and more that I know I haven’t listed. How many times have you locked these feelings inside? I know myself there have been times I have locked them inside myself so tight, no one could ferret them out. Some of them are constant, like the worry for my kids. But others are short-lived, like anger. Sometimes you just need to “talk to the voices within” and listen to what they are saying.

You almost have to step outside yourself and look at you as if you were someone else you really care about and really want to protect. Would you let someone take advantage of that person? Would you let someone use that person you really care about? Or would you speak up for them? If it was someone else you care about, you’d say something. I know you would. Okay, now put yourself back in that body. That person is you. Stand up and tell ’em, “Enough!” ― Queen LatifahPut on Your Crown: Life-Changing Moments on the Path to Queendom

Are you standing ground for yourself or living what someone else says? I know, we all have a tendency to take the easy road and let someone else take control of our lives and our destiny. But in the long run, will it be what you really wanted? I’ve done it myself. Living the life that everyone else wanted for me, putting my own life on the back burner. I managed to put my dreams in someone elses hands that had no right to hold them because they didn’t know what was in my heart and soul. That kind of goes back to the first quote about ignoring your feelings. Feelings you hide inside yourself, no one else can express but you. On the other hand, opening up fully to someone else about your internal battles of mind and body and having them listened to is hard but when the right person listens its miraculous. 

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow.” ― Thomas Paine

Sometimes when we open ourselves to ALL the possibilities of the things we enjoy, amazing things start happening for us. It’s never easy to shut your mind down from saying the negative things like “I can’t do that” or “It’s too difficult”. We, as humans, tend to think we always need more of something. More education, more money, more time or more space when in reality, we are making excuses. Grab opportunity when it’s presented but stop selling yourself short when it comes to you talents and inner strengths. To get what you want and sometimes more, you have to live life with passion and actively pursue what YOU want. If you try and fail, try again and again until you get it right. The harder it is, the more determined you need to be!

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” ― Bill Cosby

All of the above being said, through failures and success you need to learn to find humor and laughter in everything! It eases the pain of the struggles and works kind of like sun rays peaking around the corner of a storm could. Since I seem to connect everything with nature, you can compare it like this: The pain, hurt and failures are a rain falling from the sky. Humor is the sunshine just past the clouds bringing the rain. Laughter is the rainbow that just magically appears. Those rainbows are the beauty of everything combined. Without the rain they can’t happen. Without the sun there isn’t the light for them to appear. 

 

I struggle every day but I survive. I survive because I can find the beauty, the humor and I constantly laugh at the stupid things I do! There are days I literately roll with the “punches” when I battle with being clumsy due to my MS. I fall down and usually end up in a fit of laughter because it doesn’t seem possible one person could wind up on their backside so often. It happens. I’ve learned to take each moment as it comes. Are some of them annoying and do they make me mad? Sure do. BUT what’s the point in being mad about things I can’t change. What’s done is done! Might as well make fun of myself and laugh it away.

I hope that you find solace in the words. I hope that you find encouragement, determination and the will power to become the person inside…You know who! That one you tend to hide from everyone else. Dig that person out, let them shine with what makes you unique!!!! If you need words of encouragement, give me a shout. If you want to share you story, I would be glad to link it back…just let me know! Don’t let anyone tell you to go with the flow. Fight against the grain. BE YOU! Not what everyone else says, thinks or tells you to be!