Today is a day full of reflection for me. A day when I won’t get to celebrate something I wish I could because it’s been ripped from my grasp. While others are praising their mom’s for doing a great job…I am contemplating what I don’t have with my own.
I have never once heard the verbal words from either of my parent’s that they loved me. I was never allowed to snuggle into my mother’s lap when I was a kid. I was called names, made fun of and shoved away. I always swore I would be a better mom than that. Those opportunities were taken against my will in 2006. Today for me isn’t a day of celebration about my mother or being a mom. I don’t get that chance. Instead today is about burying the hatred for manipulation, abuse and loneliness.
Mother’s Day for me is about letting go of the past and moving forward to a new day. Not all of the people in the world have been fortunate enough to have the perfect situation and upbringing. Some of us don’t have Mothers who supported us into our own personal growth. We didn’t have Mothers who hugged us through our failures or gently wiped our tears of despair.
That doesn’t mean that we aren’t thinking about all that could have been. Can we change it? Nope, we can’t because it’s not us that needs to change. Some mothers (and fathers too) just aren’t model, idealistic parents. Some just don’t want to be and other’s aren’t given the chance.
To those that are struggling today with not being given that chance, keep this in mind. Out there somewhere in the Universe, no matter what religion (if any) you are, someone in the big wide complex dimension of what we call Life, hears what is in your heart. Even if you don’t speak it through you lips or put ink to paper, I have faith that a higher power listens. Someday, somehow the world will right itself within your corner and you will get the chance to vocalize those thoughts within your head and heart. It might only be through blog pages or it could just be through a diary but someday, somewhere you will have the chance to share the hurt, pain and sadness. It’s why I’m writing this now.
Don’t be ashamed of situations out of your control. We need to learn to express, cope and move on. Know that you are not alone. There are more of us that do not celebrate Mother’s Day than you can imagine. Be fearless, speak your heart and hold nothing back. Let the offenders of wrong-doing wallow in their own self-pity because someday, you will still be standing strong surrounded by those you love while others will be alone and empty. Know that you are expressing yourself to get out from behind the walls of hurt and betrayal. Know that there is NOTHING wrong with you, unless you let someone else control your thoughts and your destiny. The power is yours! Say ENOUGH, express to the world the hurt and pain inside yourself.
Most of all, KNOW that you are LOVED by others just because of SHARED pain, heartache and tragedy. Wrap yourself in the smiles and laughter of friends. Surround yourself in the happy!
To all you Mom’s out there: Never take for granted the opportunity to show your love. Never pass on a hug. Show your children every chance you get to show them how much of your heart they hold.